December 27th

I know I'm stating the obvious, but last Friday was December 27th. It was a very busy day for me.  I spent some time with my mom, had lunch with an old high school friend, and got to watch a former student marry the love of her life.  The day had no significance to me until I was at the wedding.  It's events like that, along with the end of the year approaching, which makes us reflect on our life.  I began thinking about the year when the date dawned on me.  December 27th, 2012 was a horrible day for me.  My father had his first chemo treatment and it was during the procedure the doctors discovered what we were truly facing.  It wasn't a single tumor we were fighting against, but multiple, tiny tumors.  As a family, we were not ready to hear the news that we were told.  Up until that moment, everyone was extremely optimistic.  It was so hard for me to hold it together; to be the rock for everyone else.  I think I was barely grasping at any hope that was left to hold on to.  So, 2013 began with feelings of sadness and heartache...and a desperation for hope.  I can't exactly tell you when all of that began to change.  I think each one of us found a way to accept the situation.  The year progressed and I came to a point where I had to make some choices; moving, exercising, etc.  All of the choices I've mentioned in previous posts have led to how I felt December 27th, 2013. But here I was at this wedding and I felt amazingly happy.  The wedding was unlike an other I've attended.  I mean, every wedding is really nice and you can see how much everyone loves each other, but this wedding was different.  When you walked into the church, you could feel the love and support from everyone for everyone.  It was unusual, but very uplifting.  The ceremony was light-hearted and emotional, and the whole time I kept thinking "This is so Christy!"  She was a stunning bride!  To think she was once my art club president painting murals around campus with me.  She had already amazed me when she was a student, but I am in awe of the woman she has become.  I was honored she invited me to share this day with her.  I can't wait to see where things take her next.  

That whole day really got to me.  I began realizing the huge difference from last year and this year.  And I began to appreciate even more the life I have made for myself, along with all of the people who are in it.

As an artist, I did a show with RawArtists and began showing my work at the Santa Ana art walk with Orange County Creatives. I never know where my art is going to take me, but I've been pleasantly surprised.  To think this all began a few years ago because I started an etsy account just to get rid of the paintings stacking up in the corner of my room.  I didn't have a real intention of showing my work.  It kind of just happened.  Then doing one night showcases, which led to showing at the art walk.  Now, I am beginning 2014 showing my work at the Orange County Creatives Gallery in Laguna Beach!  I can't wait to see where this will lead.  

I know everyone is reflecting and coming up with resolutions for the new year, but I'm truly grateful.  I'm glad 2013 is ending on a very positive and light-hearted note. It is a nice change of pace for me.   As for resolutions,  I refuse to come up with "resolutions."  I think that term makes things doomed to automatically fail.  I do have goals for myself, but these have been on going goals.  I am 30 pounds from my goal weight.  I am positive that with my trainer Alex at the Transformation Center, and his team I'll definitely be able to get there. I've already lost 20 pounds with his help, so the next 30 should be do-able. I'd like to do this by my birthday, but I don't want the pressure of that.  I feel like I'll set myself up for failure.  But I know I'll get there.  I'm pretty determined and Alex has been really good at keeping me challenged during the workouts.  He never lets me get away with being lazy.  Another goal is to self publish my children's book.  The plan is to do my research on various self publishing companies and see what is going to work best for me, but to fix up and begin illustrating my pages at the same time.  This way when I'm ready I have everything done and ready to go.  And my last goal is to learn how to let go the anger, resentment and hurt feelings I have towards my half siblings.  It's not a good feeling.  I'm not one to react this way.  It is just more apparent now because of my dad's health.  And I can't deal with it directly as I would like to because it would upset my dad a lot.  His health and positive state of mind are extremely important to me, so I'm going to find an alternative way to deal with it.  Maybe this will lead to a new art series???  I mean, artists do make their best work when they are heartbroken, hurt, or depressed, right?  It takes some kind of tragedy for an artist to grow.  The Mizzles came to being around a tough time in life and look at where that has taken me. 

We'll just have to wait and see.  2013 goodbye!  Thank you for challenging me and teaching me all I needed to learn this year.  2014, let's see what you have in store for me.  I think I'm ready for it!

Reflection

I have noticed that every once in a while a theme(s) appears in my life.  Sometimes they are very subtle and I don't realize it existed until it has passed.  Then there are times, like now, where they are blatantly obvious.  This month's theme is "reflection."  It is time for me to sit down and look at where my path has taken me this year.  This last half of the year has definitely taken me a little off course. 

First of all, I'm unbelievably grateful for the life I have.  It is not perfect, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I love the challenges life throws at me and the people who come across my path.  I love the friends and family, who have strengthened me by showing me how much they believe in me.  I know my life would not be as colorful as it is without all of their wonderful personalities!

This year began on a positive note.  I began this blog and started my "well-intentioned," but not entirely realistic drawing a day.  I am proud to say that I lasted a lot longer than I had truly anticipated.  I figured I'd putter out around February, but it was around May that the daily drawings came to a halt.  The drawing became more difficult to complete daily because it was around that time things at work began to change.  My department chair announced his retirement and decisions had to be made.  I then took on the challenge of becoming department chair, teaching AP studio art, and I moved to a different classroom.

Changes didn't end there.  Some changes were not so good, but there were a lot that have been great.  The not so good news was my dad had a tumor in his liver.  He's doing well, but it looks like this is going to be on-going issue.  The great news began with my first nephew, Noah, being born on Friday the 13th!  He is an absolute cutie and is going to be extremely spoiled!  Then the unexpected happened.  As I prepared to attend the SCBWI summer children's conference, I was contacted by a representative from RawArtists.  They had found my ETSY shop and wanted me to participate in one of their shows.  To be honest, I was hesitant. I wasn't sure if my work was strong enough.  Also, they really loved my Mizzle dolls, and wanted them to be displayed in the showcase.  After talking to a friend, I decided that in participating in showcase I really had nothing to lose.  This led to a second show and being nominated as one of their Semi-finalists for their annual RAWards.  Although, Mizzle Adventures did not win at the competition, it was a great experience.  It showed me a few things.  One, how much I finally believe in myself and my artwork; Two, what I'm truly capable of achieving; and lastly, it made me realize I didn't have any idea of what kind of outcome I wanted from showcasing my work.  Originally, I just wanted allow the journey to take its own course and see where it would take me.  As much fun as that has been, I think it's time to make some more choices, but about my career as an artist.  What is it that I truly want to achieve as an artist?  And where do I want to see it take me?

The interesting part is that my school qualified to apply for distinguished schools. In addition, this means we are able to apply for another award, which is an Exemplary Arts Program.  For the past few weeks, my department and I have been putting together information about our department to apply for it. I didn't think writing this document would be as difficult as it has been.  I know we are a strong Visual and Performing Arts program, but it has made me notice that we don't have any particular goals for our department.  We don't have a true vision of where we want to go.  I think we have all shared ideas with one another about things we think would be great, but we have never put anything into effect.  I think we all have ideas of what we would like to see happen in our department, but we have never sat down together and verbalized it out loud. When this process is said and done, whether we win this award or not, it has been a great opportunity for us to reflect on the state of our department.  Now we can have a real conversation about short and long term goals for our department.

With 2012 coming to an end and 2013 peeking at us from the horizon, it is a good time for reflection.  It is the perfect time to look at our flaws with complete honest and to take the time to figure out what we need to do to make ourselves and our world better. It's a good time to be thankful and appreciative for what we have and the people in our lives.  And it is the time to make choices about our future.

I might need help

First, I have began to notice that blogging on a daily basis is becoming too much.  I can see why many bloggers have guest bloggers, or they only post on certain days of the week.  I enjoy posting my daily drawings, but the commentary to go along with them can be exhausting.  Lately, the drawings are just that, drawings. Usually they illustrate something that has currently happened in real life.  I might have to post every other day.  I haven't decided yet.

  

Second, my squirrel collection grew yesterday.  I adopted more.  I wasn't too thrilled with how they looked at first.  They are not crafted as well as the others I own, but I had to have them anyways. I actually have 6 of these, but one currently lives on the tree I have in my classroom.  By the way, these make a squirrel noise when you squeeze them.  I'm such a big kid. When I was in the store, I kept pressing them, spacing them out in intervals so their sounds became a squirrel chorus.  It drove my sister nuts.  She believes my I have a squirrel problem.  She might be right.  I might need to get help.  But they are too cute and cuddly.

And today's drawing was something inspired by my artichoke spinach dip.  The smell of baking in the kitchen always draws others, especially when their tummies are empty.

Lastly, I think I've come to a new realization about myself this weekend.  I'm really good at making things happen for other people.  I can push through and find solutions to any obstacle that stands in their way.  I thrive seeing the joy and happiness on their faces when they see their visions come to life.  But for some reason I drag my feet when it comes to my own goals.  I work hard; I read and learn about everything I want to accomplish; I know what I need to do, but something always holds me back.  I find excuses or become too busy with other projects.  I love who I am and what I can do for others, but I need to work on making my own dreams and visions become a reality.  I think I'm afraid of being successful.  I know this might sound ridiculous.  I hate failing, also.  But I'm so content with where I am at that I haven't truly dived into what I want to do.  There is just a lot of busy work going on, which is strengthening me, but not really moving me forward.