The Good, Bad and the Ugly

I feel like I have either written about this topic, or I have wanted to in the past, but never got around to it. But I believe there is a lot of value in creating bad art.  I feel I learn more from a piece that went wrong than one that turned out well. And part of us having the desire to create is usually in search of discovery... a new technique, a new style, enlightenment on problems we are trying to deal with, or discovering a new passion that engulfs us in the need to be creative.

Lately, it seems I have been having this conversation more and more with my students. Being a high school art teacher has it benefits.  It makes me reflect on my own personal beliefs in my own art and what I am teaching my students.  Sometimes they are not exactly the same thing.  I have noticed my teaching style and beliefs have changed since my journey has begun.  I believed that it was only about create great pieces of work, or building up to that.  Within the last few years, I have begun to transition on the importance of play, experimenting with materials, and just drawing no matter what it looks like. 

Today, one of my AP studio art students asked me about my education background and how did I end up teaching.  She began telling me that she doesn't think she is a good artist and that she can't see herself drawing her whole like.  I explained to her that her feelings are of a true artist.  I don't think any of us ever think we are good enough.  It really takes a lot of effort for us to stand back, look at our work, and notice what we have done right.  I told her that I feel as though she has found that medium, or technique, or subject matter that lights that fire of creativity within her and drives her to mass produce.  I don't think she'll never draw her whole life.  She has lots of talent.  This might not become a career for her, but I think she will continue with it as a hobby.  I shared with her how at one point in my life I felt unbelievably lost in life, where I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror.  I told her it didn't feel sad. It felt empty.  Art saved me from that feeling.  I began creating and creating more.  I explained to her that I have many pieces of work that are never finished, or turn out really bad.  I just keep producing work.  I have an openness to ideas and trying new techniques, which allows me to just play with my work.  If I stop creating for 2 weeks that empty feeling comes back and I begin to feel lost again.  But now that I've been creating more and more work, I have fewer pieces that turn out absolutely horrible. 

I know she doubts herself and as we get closer to the AP portfolio due date I continually try to get her motivated.  I told her that she needs to just keep producing work, collecting images of animals, or things she likes, and to just trust her and create.  And in that mass production of work, there will be art work that is horrible, ugly, okay, and absolutely beautiful!  But it takes making a lot of work before the beautiful begins to show up more than the ugly work. 

Here are a few unfinished or unhappy artwork that now occupy parts of my home until I decide to finish them or throw them out.

Influences- Remedios Varo

Tomorrow, I will be introducing the final drawing for my beginning students.  It is a surrealistic city in one or two-point perspective.  I've spent a good amount of the morning thumbing through my favorite surrealism books, scanning, and printing photos for inspiration.  Of course, it led me to one of my absolute favorite female surreal artists, Remedios Varo.  I found her by accident when I was in college working on my single subject credential.  There is something magical about her work.  I look at it waiting for the hauntingly sad characters to move and interact with me.  I am captured by the textures, colors, and the transparency of the figures that seem to move with such ghostly grace. 

Here are some of my favorites:

 

I've come to realize that I'm attracted to her work that is about creation or building.  Perhaps it is because I have a desire to create or build? 

 

Reflection

I have noticed that every once in a while a theme(s) appears in my life.  Sometimes they are very subtle and I don't realize it existed until it has passed.  Then there are times, like now, where they are blatantly obvious.  This month's theme is "reflection."  It is time for me to sit down and look at where my path has taken me this year.  This last half of the year has definitely taken me a little off course. 

First of all, I'm unbelievably grateful for the life I have.  It is not perfect, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I love the challenges life throws at me and the people who come across my path.  I love the friends and family, who have strengthened me by showing me how much they believe in me.  I know my life would not be as colorful as it is without all of their wonderful personalities!

This year began on a positive note.  I began this blog and started my "well-intentioned," but not entirely realistic drawing a day.  I am proud to say that I lasted a lot longer than I had truly anticipated.  I figured I'd putter out around February, but it was around May that the daily drawings came to a halt.  The drawing became more difficult to complete daily because it was around that time things at work began to change.  My department chair announced his retirement and decisions had to be made.  I then took on the challenge of becoming department chair, teaching AP studio art, and I moved to a different classroom.

Changes didn't end there.  Some changes were not so good, but there were a lot that have been great.  The not so good news was my dad had a tumor in his liver.  He's doing well, but it looks like this is going to be on-going issue.  The great news began with my first nephew, Noah, being born on Friday the 13th!  He is an absolute cutie and is going to be extremely spoiled!  Then the unexpected happened.  As I prepared to attend the SCBWI summer children's conference, I was contacted by a representative from RawArtists.  They had found my ETSY shop and wanted me to participate in one of their shows.  To be honest, I was hesitant. I wasn't sure if my work was strong enough.  Also, they really loved my Mizzle dolls, and wanted them to be displayed in the showcase.  After talking to a friend, I decided that in participating in showcase I really had nothing to lose.  This led to a second show and being nominated as one of their Semi-finalists for their annual RAWards.  Although, Mizzle Adventures did not win at the competition, it was a great experience.  It showed me a few things.  One, how much I finally believe in myself and my artwork; Two, what I'm truly capable of achieving; and lastly, it made me realize I didn't have any idea of what kind of outcome I wanted from showcasing my work.  Originally, I just wanted allow the journey to take its own course and see where it would take me.  As much fun as that has been, I think it's time to make some more choices, but about my career as an artist.  What is it that I truly want to achieve as an artist?  And where do I want to see it take me?

The interesting part is that my school qualified to apply for distinguished schools. In addition, this means we are able to apply for another award, which is an Exemplary Arts Program.  For the past few weeks, my department and I have been putting together information about our department to apply for it. I didn't think writing this document would be as difficult as it has been.  I know we are a strong Visual and Performing Arts program, but it has made me notice that we don't have any particular goals for our department.  We don't have a true vision of where we want to go.  I think we have all shared ideas with one another about things we think would be great, but we have never put anything into effect.  I think we all have ideas of what we would like to see happen in our department, but we have never sat down together and verbalized it out loud. When this process is said and done, whether we win this award or not, it has been a great opportunity for us to reflect on the state of our department.  Now we can have a real conversation about short and long term goals for our department.

With 2012 coming to an end and 2013 peeking at us from the horizon, it is a good time for reflection.  It is the perfect time to look at our flaws with complete honest and to take the time to figure out what we need to do to make ourselves and our world better. It's a good time to be thankful and appreciative for what we have and the people in our lives.  And it is the time to make choices about our future.

Part of the Art Journey

During my own personal journey of art, I have created paintings and drawings focused on a subject.  It seemed to be my safety net.  My first subject was the wolf.  I began drawing them in high school and found some comfort getting lost in drawing their fur.  I admired their strength, dedication to family, and their ability to maintain their individualism all while working together in a group.  In the start of college, I continued to paint them. 

While I began making my Mizzles, I fell in love with the Rapidograph technical pen.  It is my favorite drawing tool.  I discovered the book The Technical Pen by Gary Simmons, which inspired me to create my Randomness Series.  They began just as an exercise to practice with and pen and get over my fear of making mistakes. 

 

Then I began creating paintings of my Mizzles, which led to drawing trees and squirrels.  It is here where I've stayed in a safety net.  My entire illustrator's portfolio is strictly Mizzles.

I tried drawing kids, but it never felt quite right creating kid characters.  Perhaps it is because I was afraid to branch out of my comfort zone.  I began taking the Hero's Art Journey online course with Mira Reisberg at the beginning of June.  I had been feeling stuck with my illustrations and story.  This course came at the right time and it has been amazing.  Mira has developed a great online course that is simple for any person of any skill to follow and enjoy.  Each day is planned out with short articles to guide and inspire.  The other thing I love about the course is that we are encouraged to show our work, especially if it is still in progress. 

I wasn't completely sure what to expect from this course.  I figured if anything were to come from taking this course I would leave with new ideas and techniques to share with my students.  But I have received so much more.  Somehow and somewhere a little girl appeared in my artwork.  I'm not sure where she came from, but I have enjoyed seeing her appear and grow.

This is still in progress, but it's coming along.

There are 2 more weeks in the course.  I'm not sure if she will continue to show up in the next two paintings, but I'm happy she has appeared in these.

Sunday Agglomeration- Spring Yoga Retreat :)

This week yoga was on my mind.  It is always on my mind, but this week in particular because of the yoga retreat I went to this past weekend at the White Lotus Retreat Center in Santa Barbara, CA.  It was beautiful and amazing!  It changes you.  To get away from facebook, twitter, TV, texting, and just technology in general is a great sensation.  You are forced to look at your surroundings, and more importantly, yourself. Samantha and Alexis were our group leaders.  They are both amazing people!  If you ever get a chance you need to do a retreat with Samantha and Alexis (www.shantishantiyoga.com).  They were extremely encouraging and inspiring.

Sometimes life is funny how it all works out.  The past few months I have been feeling stuck.  The only way I can truly describe it is that I feel like I'm running really fast, but I'm not moving anywhere.  I am just suspended while I run and watch everyone pass by me.  It is a horrible feeling.  This retreat came at a perfect time in my life.  I've had a lot on my mind.  I have been thinking about my personal goals as an artist, illustrator, author, and teacher.  Changes are happening at work...bitter sweet changes, but it has put my personal growth into perspective. I have different goals for each aspect of my life and many times they are not leading towards the same path.  I have also, been thinking about my divorce.  It happened three years ago, but clearly there was something unfinished since I was dreaming about my ex.  I had no intentions of dealing with any of these thoughts on the retreat.  I didn't know what to expect other than doing some yoga, and enjoying the scenery, but the events only brought those thoughts to the surface and confirmed what I have known to be true in my heart.  On the last day of the retreat, we had to select a mediation card with our eyes closed before our yoga practice.  This is the card I picked up.

I have always told people that my divorce was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  I'm not saying my ex was horrible because he isn't.  We were just really wrong for each other.  But that was the critical moment in my life that became the rock that fell into the water and created a multitude of ripples.  Those ripples were guitar lessons, fitness kickboxing, attempt at surfing, running, cooking, my master's degree, illustrating, children's book writing, yoga, blogging, gardening, and rediscovering my love for simple things like sunsets, the beach, waves crashing, trees, rain, and walking in the rain.  It took getting lost in order to find myself again, but walking backwards sometimes is the best way to see yourself with new eyes.  It has been an amazing journey so far.

The retreat challenged me physically.  We did a lot of partner yoga, some acrobatic yoga (which was probably my favorite), and we danced.  I haven't danced in such a long time. It was a lot of fun!

 I did poses I would have never thought was possible for me to do.

My best friend sitting on me like a chair.

I'm doing a shoulder stand on my friend's knees.

A few weekends ago, I had talked with my illustrator's group about feeling stuck.  I told them that at this point I was just playing with drawings until I was inspired.  They agreed that I should just continue being creative because it could help inspire me. One of the illustrators loved my Mizzle yoga pin that I made from the Shrink-a-Dink paper.  She recommended that I continue to create drawings of my mizzles in yoga poses.  I thought this was a great idea. Here are some of the drawings I created this week.

 These were inspired by the retreat where we did partner yoga.

My yoga instructor called this the double scoop.
Child's pose on top of child's pose

This she called backpack.

Random Thoughts Thurdays- Mistakes

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
-Scott Adams

That is my favorite quote. But in my class, I like to call mistakes in art "happy accidents."  When you are able to allow your creative mind to be free to explore various possibilities, then you are limited by nothing; not even by a so called mistake.  It is easy for us to get caught in the details of a drawing or painting and attempting to be as accurate as possible.  I see this happen to my students all of the time, especially when faced with an abstract or loose style drawing assignment.  A panic attack almost occurs because they don't know how to just let go and embrace the "not knowing" feeling.  

I discovered a cute little book called Beautiful Oops! by Barney Saltzberg, which has enhanced my Ink Blot assignment.  I love this book and how interactive it is. 

I had my Intermediate/ Advanced Drawing class sit in front of me on the floor and I read to them. We talk about how it feels to make mistakes in art.  I explain that weith a flexible mind, an artwork can often times be saved.  The day before school starts I take a bunch of cards and drip, splatter, and spill ink onto them. This is the fun part for me. I've contemplated taking tea bags or coffee to stain them, but I always forget and stick to the ink.  After reading the book and showing them a few other images that were created from ink blots, I lay out the cards and have them pick the one that "calls to them."  They are to turn it into a fun drawing.  There are no rules about what they can draw.  Secretly, this is my test of their imagination.  After looking at their results, I can usually tell who will struggle with assignments that are based strongly on ideas.

Here are some of their Ink Blot Drawings:

I feel people fear making art because they fear making mistakes.  They look and compare themselves to others, which is only a good thing when you are using them as inspiration, not a measuring stick. In general, mistakes are critical in life.  You learn to recover from the mistakes, but you also learn how to not make the same ones. I'm going to be 33 this year and lately I have been looking back at my life...mistakes included.  I like who I have become.  I know that without the mistakes I've made along the way I would not be where I am now. 

Embrace the mistake!