Be Stronger

I have been meaning to update this blog on a more regular basis.  I have been considering returning to my daily posts and daily drawings and see how long I can keep it going this year. But it has been very difficult to find things to be positive about right now.  I know life could always be worse and that our nature is to view the grass is greener on the other side. I find this scenario strange.  I've never had difficulty seeing others in difficult heartbreaking situations. I feel for them and can maintain an objective point of view where their hardships never took a toll on my own emotions. But to see my parents so vulnerable has taken such a toll on me.  I experienced this a little 2-3 years ago, when both parents lost their moms. I saw them in a completely different way.  I have always known my parents to be strong and unbreakable.  Losing their parents revealed the cracks.  Right now, those cracks are huge holes. They are both unbelievably strong, but now I see the fear in their eyes and hear the sad tone in their voices.  It is hard to see and hear the truth they worked so hard to keep from us.  I think I'm doing as well as I can be in this exhausting situation, but I'm tired of people's words of comfort "stay strong," or "be the strong Nadia I've always known you to be." What they don't understand is that I'm always the strong one.  I'm always the one people rely on.  I'm tired of "being strong."  For once, I would love for it to be okay for me to be fragile. This is where my art comes in.  My art, along with my cats, seem to understand my need for vulnerability. It is in my art I'm allowed to be whoever and however I want to be.  Art does not have an opinion.  It listens and it heals.
 
I began by creating a new drawing for my dad. For the past year, I have been creating charcoal drawings of old Native American photos. This is the 3rd of an on-going series.

I also made a painting for my best friend.  I wasn't sure what to create for her, so I just let the painting take control.  It turned out well and she loved it!  I found it interesting the words she used to describe it.  She said it made her feel hopeful, calm, and uplifted.  I also found it interesting her view of the fairy v. an angel.  She said an angel made her think of death, but a fairy made her feel hopeful. I kind of agree because fairies hold a child-like innocence.  I can't think of an instance where fairies are feared.  Angels on the other hand can be thought of as miracles, but can also be associated with death. 

I enjoyed the freedom I felt in creating the painting for my best friend that I decided to start another one.  Here is another, but it is still in progress.

I have this desire to work on specific projects, but I just can't seem to get myself to work on them.  I find myself looking for distractions or other projects to fulfill my need to create, but not the ones I should be working on.  I have just finished creating 3 new Mizzles and have a few more in progress.

A few days of lazy

I'm in my last few days of summer freedom.  I've been trying to embrace laziness.  I haven't been very successful and just recently come to realize that I didn't delve into any books this summer.  This summer has seemed lazy to me, but it is probably because I didn't go exploring as much as I would have liked to.  I've been creating a lot of work this summer.  Between finishing my online art class with Mira Reisberg, getting ready for the SCBWI summer conference, then the RawArtist artist showcase, I have been in a constant state of creation.  Even now, when I desperately want to embrace the feeling of doing absolutely nothing, I can only continue creating.  So, I've decided to do a recap of this summer's work.

Hero's Art Journey with Mira Reisberg
This online course really helped me break out of a creative fog I was experiencing.  I was still being creative, but just didn't have any particular direction and needed something to push my boundaries in a different capacity.

 In the next piece I had originally had a little girl in the painting, but after attending an illustrator's portfolio workshop; it had been recommended that I change her to one of my Mizzle characters to keep the piece consistent with all of my other work.  The original is on the left and the altered piece is on the right.

For my portfolio, I also, finished a piece I had started working on earlier.

For the RawArtists artists' showcase, I made about 30 Mizzles.  You can find many of them on my Esty shop, Mizzle Adventures.  Here are a few of my favorites:

And as for the remainder of what should have been two weeks of a lazy summer, I continued to explore creating mixed media pieces.  Here is what I've created:

This first illustration I wanted to play with the idea of Tree Pose in yoga, and hiding amongst trees.  Here the Mizzles are playing hide and seek.  Stargazer is attempting to camoflage herself as a tree.

To continue with the tree theme, I thought it would be fun if the Mizzles went camping.

This last one is a work in progress.  I am introducing my newest Mizzle, Fawn.  She and Belinda are going to picnic amongst the peacocks.

Now, I'm starting a Picture Book Writing Course and have to push myself to work on my story. It's time to begin editing!

Discovering new mediums and techniques

 This past weekend, I had friends over for creative fun.  I really enjoy getting together with creative minds, or people who are open to playing with art materials.  I am finding a new love for paper collage, or mixed media.  I am also discovering a fondness for gouache paint.  It is really expanding my boundaries as an artist.  I love pen and ink and colored pencil.  I have, also, developed a love for watercolor pencils over the past few months.  I have never been a fan of watercolor.  It is one of the few mediums that I don't have the patience for.  But the watercolor pencils allow me to have a little more control and I feel like I don't have to wait as long for it to dry.  I could be using them completely wrong, but then again, as an artist we use materials in ways that work best for us.

a textured piece created with white glue and acrylic

Yesterday and today, I have been thinking about my story for February and my PB dummy challenge.  I have the story in my head and I can see it like a movie, but that seems to change once I begin writing.  I have yet discovered a writing technique or ritual that is successful for my writing, other than procrastination.  I have always written my best papers when under pressure.  The problem is that I don't have any real deadlines for my personal writing and if I give myself a deadline, I know there are no real consequences for not finishing on time.  But I did come up with a few drawings to illustrate parts of my story that I have been thinking about.  Maybe this is my writing technique?

I might try taking index cards and roughly illustrating my story onto them.  This might help me with the writing a bit.  I know storyboarding helps a lot of writers, but I find that I begin jumping scenes or I can clearly visualize a part of the story I haven't come to yet.  It becomes quite confusing. 

But, as always, I continue to push forward; learning from the process of what works and what doesn't; and finding joy in the world I have created for myself.

Recon mission

This seems to be a year of making decisions and research.  Last night was a fun evening of recon work with some illustrator gals.  We were scoping out some possibilities of showing our work.  The experience brought up a lot of questions about what we want and how we want to represent ourselves.  But it also got me thinking about my own personal goals. Today I went to a grant writing workshop, which ended up being a waste of my time.  It only resulted in more questions.  I have ideas... many ideas of what I would love to do.  But they are so scattered and I need to make decisions.  I would love to make a living being creative all day.  I know being an art teacher one would think I already have that, but I would love to make a living creating my own art.  I plan on continuing making art, illustrating, reading, and writing, but I need to do more research about the various avenues I'd like to go in.  There seem to be a lot of options and possibilities becoming available to me.  I just need to figure out which ones will be best for me.