Be Stronger

I have been meaning to update this blog on a more regular basis.  I have been considering returning to my daily posts and daily drawings and see how long I can keep it going this year. But it has been very difficult to find things to be positive about right now.  I know life could always be worse and that our nature is to view the grass is greener on the other side. I find this scenario strange.  I've never had difficulty seeing others in difficult heartbreaking situations. I feel for them and can maintain an objective point of view where their hardships never took a toll on my own emotions. But to see my parents so vulnerable has taken such a toll on me.  I experienced this a little 2-3 years ago, when both parents lost their moms. I saw them in a completely different way.  I have always known my parents to be strong and unbreakable.  Losing their parents revealed the cracks.  Right now, those cracks are huge holes. They are both unbelievably strong, but now I see the fear in their eyes and hear the sad tone in their voices.  It is hard to see and hear the truth they worked so hard to keep from us.  I think I'm doing as well as I can be in this exhausting situation, but I'm tired of people's words of comfort "stay strong," or "be the strong Nadia I've always known you to be." What they don't understand is that I'm always the strong one.  I'm always the one people rely on.  I'm tired of "being strong."  For once, I would love for it to be okay for me to be fragile. This is where my art comes in.  My art, along with my cats, seem to understand my need for vulnerability. It is in my art I'm allowed to be whoever and however I want to be.  Art does not have an opinion.  It listens and it heals.
 
I began by creating a new drawing for my dad. For the past year, I have been creating charcoal drawings of old Native American photos. This is the 3rd of an on-going series.

I also made a painting for my best friend.  I wasn't sure what to create for her, so I just let the painting take control.  It turned out well and she loved it!  I found it interesting the words she used to describe it.  She said it made her feel hopeful, calm, and uplifted.  I also found it interesting her view of the fairy v. an angel.  She said an angel made her think of death, but a fairy made her feel hopeful. I kind of agree because fairies hold a child-like innocence.  I can't think of an instance where fairies are feared.  Angels on the other hand can be thought of as miracles, but can also be associated with death. 

I enjoyed the freedom I felt in creating the painting for my best friend that I decided to start another one.  Here is another, but it is still in progress.

I have this desire to work on specific projects, but I just can't seem to get myself to work on them.  I find myself looking for distractions or other projects to fulfill my need to create, but not the ones I should be working on.  I have just finished creating 3 new Mizzles and have a few more in progress.

Who are you?

I gave my intermediate drawing students the assignment "art as message."  They could create a drawing expressing a message that was important to them.  It didn't have to be social/ political, but that was encouraged.  The importance of the assignment was to create an image that gave a clear message visually.  No text is allowed in the image.  I found it interesting that few chose the theme of war, or deteriorating environments.  What was even more interesting was that a few of them chose identity as their message.  More specifically, they were thinking about the identity of people close to them and how you don't really know them.  I thought this was interesting and a bit sad that my students were thinking about this.  It makes me feel like they are having issues trusting people close to them.  I guess it makes sense since they are in high school and are faced with overly dramatic, yet real issues.  But part of the problem is not knowing or being able to trust each other.  The problem is that they don't really know themselves.  They look in the mirror and see themselves as inadequate, or plain.  In truth, I see kids who have the potential to do amazing things.  In time, they will see it. Hopefully.