Tuesday, December 31, 2013

December 27th

I know I'm stating the obvious, but last Friday was December 27th. It was a very busy day for me.  I spent some time with my mom, had lunch with an old high school friend, and got to watch a former student marry the love of her life.  The day had no significance to me until I was at the wedding.  It's events like that, along with the end of the year approaching, which makes us reflect on our life.  I began thinking about the year when the date dawned on me.  December 27th, 2012 was a horrible day for me.  My father had his first chemo treatment and it was during the procedure the doctors discovered what we were truly facing.  It wasn't a single tumor we were fighting against, but multiple, tiny tumors.  As a family, we were not ready to hear the news that we were told.  Up until that moment, everyone was extremely optimistic.  It was so hard for me to hold it together; to be the rock for everyone else.  I think I was barely grasping at any hope that was left to hold on to.  So, 2013 began with feelings of sadness and heartache...and a desperation for hope.  I can't exactly tell you when all of that began to change.  I think each one of us found a way to accept the situation.  The year progressed and I came to a point where I had to make some choices; moving, exercising, etc.  All of the choices I've mentioned in previous posts have led to how I felt December 27th, 2013. But here I was at this wedding and I felt amazingly happy.  The wedding was unlike an other I've attended.  I mean, every wedding is really nice and you can see how much everyone loves each other, but this wedding was different.  When you walked into the church, you could feel the love and support from everyone for everyone.  It was unusual, but very uplifting.  The ceremony was light-hearted and emotional, and the whole time I kept thinking "This is so Christy!"  She was a stunning bride!  To think she was once my art club president painting murals around campus with me.  She had already amazed me when she was a student, but I am in awe of the woman she has become.  I was honored she invited me to share this day with her.  I can't wait to see where things take her next.  

That whole day really got to me.  I began realizing the huge difference from last year and this year.  And I began to appreciate even more the life I have made for myself, along with all of the people who are in it.

As an artist, I did a show with RawArtists and began showing my work at the Santa Ana art walk with Orange County Creatives. I never know where my art is going to take me, but I've been pleasantly surprised.  To think this all began a few years ago because I started an etsy account just to get rid of the paintings stacking up in the corner of my room.  I didn't have a real intention of showing my work.  It kind of just happened.  Then doing one night showcases, which led to showing at the art walk.  Now, I am beginning 2014 showing my work at the Orange County Creatives Gallery in Laguna Beach!  I can't wait to see where this will lead.  

I know everyone is reflecting and coming up with resolutions for the new year, but I'm truly grateful.  I'm glad 2013 is ending on a very positive and light-hearted note. It is a nice change of pace for me.   As for resolutions,  I refuse to come up with "resolutions."  I think that term makes things doomed to automatically fail.  I do have goals for myself, but these have been on going goals.  I am 30 pounds from my goal weight.  I am positive that with my trainer Alex at the Transformation Center, and his team I'll definitely be able to get there. I've already lost 20 pounds with his help, so the next 30 should be do-able. I'd like to do this by my birthday, but I don't want the pressure of that.  I feel like I'll set myself up for failure.  But I know I'll get there.  I'm pretty determined and Alex has been really good at keeping me challenged during the workouts.  He never lets me get away with being lazy.  Another goal is to self publish my children's book.  The plan is to do my research on various self publishing companies and see what is going to work best for me, but to fix up and begin illustrating my pages at the same time.  This way when I'm ready I have everything done and ready to go.  And my last goal is to learn how to let go the anger, resentment and hurt feelings I have towards my half siblings.  It's not a good feeling.  I'm not one to react this way.  It is just more apparent now because of my dad's health.  And I can't deal with it directly as I would like to because it would upset my dad a lot.  His health and positive state of mind are extremely important to me, so I'm going to find an alternative way to deal with it.  Maybe this will lead to a new art series???  I mean, artists do make their best work when they are heartbroken, hurt, or depressed, right?  It takes some kind of tragedy for an artist to grow.  The Mizzles came to being around a tough time in life and look at where that has taken me. 

We'll just have to wait and see.  2013 goodbye!  Thank you for challenging me and teaching me all I needed to learn this year.  2014, let's see what you have in store for me.  I think I'm ready for it!

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